“If you can keep your head…”

Yes, yes – Zinedine Zidane disgraced himself and besmirched his sparkling career by savagely headbutting Italian defender Marco Matterazi in the chest in the 109th minute of Sunday’s World Cup final. (So savage it didn’t look to me, especially since the Italians are notorious for subscribing to the Greg Louganis school of foul emphasis, but [...]

Nuts

Since Saturday’s debacle against Portugal, there has been naught but anguished Anglo wailing and blubbery Saxon weeping, with torrents of bitter tears shed into our pints of bitter. A nation mourns. Stiff upper lips have come perilously close to quavering. I have it on good authority that one of the Queen’s corgis even tried to [...]

England 1, Voles 0

Yes, despite the best efforts of their Ecuadorian puppet squad, the evil Volish empire was handed a convincing defeat courtesy of the miraculous free-kickery of Spice Girl impregnator and sometime international football star David Beckham. After his gorgeous set-piece strike beat the Ecuadorian goalkeeper in the 60th minute, Beckham celebrated by vomiting on the field.

Slanderous [...]

Catastrophe!

No, not that weird Beckett play (come to think of it, “weird Beckett play” might be something of a redundancy), but the sight of star England Striker Michael Owen writhing on the German sod in agony. Owen’s knee is kaput, probably the ACL, and he’s out for the rest of the World Cup, leaving an [...]

Eng-uh-land, Eng-uh-land, Eng-uh-land

Ordinarily I find the whole frothing nationalism and ardent patriotism thing a bit silly. But there are a few exceptions. Despite the fact that I don't even like football that much (that's football not "soccer" you American swine), the advent of the World Cup does tug at my limey heartstrings and turn me into a [...]