“I’d Like to Close Guantanamo”

But then where will Bill O'Reilly go to get his Cuban lobster tan?

Yes, it's true. President George W. Bush wants oh so badly to close Guantanamo Bay, the military prison where detainees are held indefinitely and "interrogated" without any rights guaranteed by the United States Constitution or the Geneva Convention. Turns out Bush is something of a tortured soul. Speaking at a press conference in the White House Rose Garden today after returning from a suprise visit to Iraq (clearly violating Jerry Seinfeld's injunction against the "pop-in," but never mind), Bush said "I’d like to close Guantanamo. But I also recognise that we’re holding some people that are darned dangerous, and that we’d better have a plan to deal with them in our courts."

Worst of all, the detention of these darned dangerous types "provides an excuse, for example, to say, 'The United States is not upholding the values that they’re trying (to) encourage other countries to adhere to.'" Gosh, I'm glad to know that my long, desperate search for an excuse to claim that the United States has betrayed its most fundamental values is over. And it's even true! What a gift.

Here's my favorite part though:

"Mr Bush said that the best way to handle Guantanamo detainees…was through military courts. His administration was waiting for the US Supreme Court to make a decision in a case in which a US federal court ruled a detainee was being held at Guantanamo in contravention of US law and the constitution, he said."

I never realized Bush and his administration were so anxious to defer to judicial oversight and constitutional norms. The constant assertions of unfettered executive authority to do whatever the hell they want must have addled my mind.

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