Catastrophe!

No, not that weird Beckett play (come to think of it, “weird Beckett play” might be something of a redundancy), but the sight of star England Striker Michael Owen writhing on the German sod in agony. Owen’s knee is kaput, probably the ACL, and he’s out for the rest of the World Cup, leaving an already battered and hobbling England team to face the evil empire of Ecuador on Sunday. It doesn’t look good but We Still Believe.

As for the injury itself, it’s hard to believe this was a mere “accident.” Was this Krautish skullduggery in delayed vengeance for Monty’s victory over Rommel at El Alamein? Too obvious. Clearly, this was the work of voles.

Yes, Stephen Colbert has bears; your humble correspondent has voles – vicious, nefarious blighters the lot of them. Especially those Trinidadian and Tobagan voles. This time they’ve gone too far. In the name of her majesty Queen Elizabeth II and the Borough of Camden, I declare a polite English fatwah upon all voles and those who harbour voles. Note the proud British spelling of “harbour” and feel my nation’s wrath, you foul endless-molar sprouting vermin. You’re on notice!

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3 Comments on “Catastrophe!”


  1. Your fatwah goes too far. Voles are friendly. Further, there is no evidence provided here that voles are responsible for your British soccer problems. Personally I blame the waterbugs.

  2. Opinionated Wench Says:

    We will triumph. We will nibble and burrow. We will never die.


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