Where Do I Get My Monkey Jacket?

We hear so much these days about the myriad failures of U.S. diplomacy, and indeed the American capacity for alienation has been positively Brechtian of late. But from the barren reaches of Kenya comes this heartening little story of Masai bearing bovines to shed a little light amid the darkness.

You see, over in the Masai village of Enoosaen, Kenya all Hallmark moments, whether of joy or sadness, are marked by the giving of cows rather than cards. Wedding? Cow. Funeral? Cow. Bad breakup? Here come your girlfriends with the cow. So it was only natural that when the good villagers of Enoosaen heard about the 9/11 attacks in the spring of 2002 (news travels slowly by cloven hoof), they pooled, or rather herded their resources and presented the American government with a gift of 14 head of cattle – equivalent to three thousand clams, which in a town where an extaordinary vertical gets you the blessing of the rain god Enkai rather than an NBA contract is some serious scratch.

In response, the State Department dithered. Carting the cows from Enoosaen to the Central Park Zoo proved too tortuous. Another proposal to flog off the hoofed holdings and invest the proceeds in Masai jewlery for New Yorkers was also rejected (probably a good thing, though perhaps an ear disk might have looked rather fetching on this Brooklyn-based blogger). Finally, the intrepid diplomats hit upon an ingenious scheme to turn the gift into one that keeps on giving, not to mention mooing. The 14 cows and their offspring will be used to pay for the education of Enoosaen’s children, with the U.S. government kicking in 14 high school scholarships to get the ball rolling.

On Sunday, U.S. ambassador to Kenya Michael E. Ranneberger travelled to the village to announce the scheme. The villagers, decked out in their finest beads and monkey jackets, were reportedly over the moon at the news. It just goes to show the tremendous good will America can generate with the right kind of engagement. Here’s hoping the cow market stays bullish.

Explore posts in the same categories: Rare News

One Comment on “Where Do I Get My Monkey Jacket?”

  1. Eche Says:

    “Here’s hoping the cow market stays bullish.”

    LOL. You are stupid. Love your post.

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