Pinko Update

The Everlasting has apparently not fixed his canon against self-slander. (Promise to ease up on the Shakesperean references, haste-poste-haste.) For it turns out that the political personality quiz I took a few days ago was nothing but an exercise in callous auto-calumny. How do I know? I took another one of course. (Chapeau-tip: Andrew Sullivan.)

Where the previous test falsely branded me as some kind of Osama-hugging, Panda-preserving pansy pinko, this new – and clearly far more accurate – test defines me as a far tougher-sounding “Left-liberatrian.” Yeah, “Left-liberatarian” – that’s right biatch. I read The Nation AND Guns & Ammo. I want the government off my back AND I want it to provide universal healthcare. I want to have my cake AND eat it without the damn gubment regulating my trans-fat intake.

Incidentally, I wonder what the attraction of all this self-evaluation is. Judging by all the asinine quizzes in Cosmo and the like (so I’m told, not ever having read that trash), it seems to be a near universal desire. As long as it’s freely chosen, we can’t wait to be psychologically poked and prodded and get our results in a neat little summary at the end. Is this self-knowledge or just incessant self-regard, like those broadly-drawn and invariably complimentary horoscope profiles? (“You are creative and passionate. You love team work but are comfortable striking out on your own …”)

There seems to be both comfort and fascination in having something external and inanimate define, or at least confirm, your fate or personality, as though some cosmic force were paying individual attention to each one of us and revealing a truth we half-suspected – how different after all is the algorithmic readout on one of these quizzes from the slip of paper in a fortune cookie? The ancient Greeks had oracles; we have the internet and cornstarch-based desserts.

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