Turns out the Chinese have a strategic pork reserve salted away for a rainy, pig-poor day. As I can now attest from personal experience, the Chinese put pork in everything. Even the tickets I got to see the Terracotta Army smelt suspiciously like rashers of bacon. Now it seems they’ve gone one too many times to the trough like greedy, little … well, you get the idea. Fears are mounting that an apigalyptic doomsday is not far off. All this, ironically enough, taking place in the Chinese Year of the Pig (see above).
The good news for all those who fear imminent domination by the Chinese juggernaut is that we have now clearly located their Achilles’ trotter: if China gets too big for its britches, simply bomb the strategic pork reserve and squeal with delight as Hu Jintao surrenders to our will.