Archive for the ‘Know Thyself’ category

The World Breathes a Sigh of Relief…

April 17, 2007

LJT is HIV-free.

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A Veritable Orgy of Shameless Self Promotion

March 28, 2007

And by orgy, I mean two recent columns: here and here.

A Moment of Shame-Faced Self-Flagellation

March 1, 2007

As a colleague of mine pointed out to me over 70100-proof beverages, my partner-in-thought-crime and I have been bad, naughty bloggers. We have failed you, our legions of readers, in supplying a steady stream of uninformed analysis of world affairs, righteous outrage over the abuses of the rights of man (and woman), and solidarity with what few Enlightenment-type liberals still exist overseas. For these crimes of the blog, we have affixed to ourselves digital cilici, donned html hair shirts, and set to lashing ourselves with rough ropes of code.

My PITC at least has something of a dispensation in that he has been busy travelling to Mexico to pick up a shipment of bootleg Viagra from Tijuana (this blog don’t run on love you know). For myself, I have no excuse, save that I am a sinner and also wont to tipple a little too freely and take on too many obligations that have the potential for actual remuneration. I offer up this humble Guernica blog column as partial expiation.

Black Like Me

January 25, 2007

fro

As a fellow black African I truly feel for Barack Obama as he faces his black support quandary. What’s that you say? A pasty-faced white boy like me claiming to be a black African? Yes, it’s true. Researchers conducting a new genetic study have discovered a rare West African Y chromosome in a group of white Englishman. They reckon the chromosome could have entered the gene pool as long ago as Roman times. Finally I have an explanation for my prodigious ‘fro. Then again, both sets of my father’s grandparents came from Galicia but … ah, hmm. Never mind.

I’m still a Palestinian though.

I’m Pretty, I’m So, So Pretty

January 23, 2007

Well, not so much perhaps. Nevertheless my picture and bio are now available for all to gaze lovingly upon at Guernica Magazine‘s website. (Go ahead and follow the link – I’m nearly all the way down, almost like they were trying to hide me!) And I’m not just a pretty face, or ugly mug as the case may be. My latest blog column is also up on the site. I’ve been trying to write on domestic issues for my corporate overlords at Guernica, or at least not to spend post after post obsessing about the minutiae of Tongan politics. Go and see my ignorance exposed. You shan’t regret it.

Pinko Update

January 10, 2007

The Everlasting has apparently not fixed his canon against self-slander. (Promise to ease up on the Shakesperean references, haste-poste-haste.) For it turns out that the political personality quiz I took a few days ago was nothing but an exercise in callous auto-calumny. How do I know? I took another one of course. (Chapeau-tip: Andrew Sullivan.)

Where the previous test falsely branded me as some kind of Osama-hugging, Panda-preserving pansy pinko, this new – and clearly far more accurate – test defines me as a far tougher-sounding “Left-liberatrian.” Yeah, “Left-liberatarian” – that’s right biatch. I read The Nation AND Guns & Ammo. I want the government off my back AND I want it to provide universal healthcare. I want to have my cake AND eat it without the damn gubment regulating my trans-fat intake.

Incidentally, I wonder what the attraction of all this self-evaluation is. Judging by all the asinine quizzes in Cosmo and the like (so I’m told, not ever having read that trash), it seems to be a near universal desire. As long as it’s freely chosen, we can’t wait to be psychologically poked and prodded and get our results in a neat little summary at the end. Is this self-knowledge or just incessant self-regard, like those broadly-drawn and invariably complimentary horoscope profiles? (“You are creative and passionate. You love team work but are comfortable striking out on your own …”)

There seems to be both comfort and fascination in having something external and inanimate define, or at least confirm, your fate or personality, as though some cosmic force were paying individual attention to each one of us and revealing a truth we half-suspected – how different after all is the algorithmic readout on one of these quizzes from the slip of paper in a fortune cookie? The ancient Greeks had oracles; we have the internet and cornstarch-based desserts.

I’m a Pink-O!

January 4, 2007

According to this somewhat outdated political personality quiz, I am apparently a flaming, Piss-Christ-swilling, bleeding-heart (as in those of aborted foetuses) commie liberal. Or, to put it more scientifically, an ’11’. Who knew? It seems this practically puts me in bed with Hilary Clinton (so a long way away from Bill of course), here depicted in her scary first-term nut-muncher incarnation. Jesse Jackson is as liberal you can get at ‘0’ and Ronald Reagan as right as you can get at ’40’.

I must say I’m shocked. I have a soft spot for conservatives because they’re generally not as preachy and whiny as the liberals, even if I disagree with them most of the time. And when they do get preachy it’s that “you motherfuckers are going to burn” old-time religion preachy, not that “feel bad about how your selfish greed and western imperialism impoverishes the starving, Tomahawk-bombarded, ecologically devastated people of Fuckedoverabarrelistan,” guilt-ridden preachy. Plus I spent most of my educational life in institutions with a decidedly liberal consensus where a conservative mindset had the appeal of contrarian dissent. I like big trucks and red meat and I think Alan Keyes is the most entertaining stand-up comic since Lenny Bruce. So it’s very upsetting to discover that I am in fact a liberal, even if it’s only on the issues. Such is life. Pass the tofu-laced granola bar and break out the bongos. Let’s get this whale-saving, tree-hugging show on the road (in a hybrid of course).